Why?

For the past week or so, I've been constantly asking myself some really hard questions...you know, those that usually start with why and for whom? As you all may or may not know, last year, I lost a lot of weight but gained about 10 or so pounds of it back by the end of 2017. So, I started back working out this month to get rid of those few pounds. Every morning, at 5am, I get up and workout but for the past week or so, while working out, I have been finding myself thinking, "why am I REALLY doing this?"

Last year when I lost the weight, I loved the way that I looked but even before I lost that weight I STILL loved the way that I looked. Truth be told, my weight loss last year was fueled by a broken heart with broken expectations from someone I wasn't even officially dating. Although we are still friends to this day, my heart isn't broken anymore. Truthfully, my heart is healed AND whole and I am also in a very wonderful relationship with someone who actually wants me...not the me that I could be or the me that comes with benefits but the me who I am right now, in this moment: "natural hair, clean face (no make up), sweat pants, t-shirt and sneakers wearing" me. I'm happy.

So, why am I still working out? Is it to lose weight for my self or for people who think I should lose it or to prove a point to someone or for something? Know this: whatever I do, I am going to do it for ME; not for a man or for people but for my own self. I love my self, my body before and after the weight loss and if I decide to eat a burger or 6 double stuffed oreos or get some sweet potato fries from #PrimeTime like I did last night, I WILL NOT beat myself up about it. I love ME and I love my whole self...just the way I am.

so don't get caught up in trying to do something to please people, a person, for revenge or any of that. It is MEANINGLESS. Do whatever you're going to do...for yourself. You make YOU happy for a change.

Thank you all for reading my venting session today.

-Kita

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