It’s been a long time since I’ve last blogged about anything. Grad school, working 3 jobs and just life in general has tried to wipe me out but alas, I am here. Today, I wanted to talk about worth. What exactly is it and why do we often think we aren’t worthy of good things? Well, worth is the value of something. It’s how we measure a thing or even a person. Lately, I’ve been back and forth in my mind about being worthy of a good relationship. I know the qualities that I possess, the education that I’ve obtained and the morals that I live by but at the end of the day, somehow, I have decided in my mind that I am not worthy of a good relationship.
Now this isn’t everyday so don’t go thinking, “Shakita, girl are you okay?” Yes, I am just fine. This is just some of the time. Admit it: we all fall into that place where we don’t think that we are worthy of something or someone. How do we get to this place and how do we stay out of that place are the questions I want to answer; not only for myself, but for those of you who may be silently struggling with this as well.
So, how do we get into a place of thinking that we are not worthy of genuine love? For me, I often reflect on my past experiences and as humans we almost always default to the negative part of a thing before we look at the positive. I think about all of my failed relationships, two failed marriages, a child out of wedlock and a host of other things and then my good friend depression shows up to solidify my negative thoughts. Some days I am caged inside these thoughts while trying to deal with the rest of life. I put on my happy face and show the world that I am perfect all while battling with this thing on the inside.
But then you know what happens? I am reminded of this one scripture, “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” – Genesis 2:7 God thought I was worthy enough to create me and not only create me but to give me His breath to live. That’s my worth. Often times we get so caught up in everyone else’s lives, how things are progressing for them and forget that there is a time and a season for everything under the sun. People are getting engaged, married and having babies and moving on with their lives and it may seem like you are standing still but know this: everything happens in God’s timing.
So how do we stay out of this place? Sometimes you have to visit the past in order to appreciate the path in which God is currently taking you for your present and future. Notice I said “visit”. I didn’t say stay there. It’s like window shopping: you look at the items but you don’t go in the store and buy them. You look and keep it moving. I think about the peace and joy that I have now as a result of getting on the other side of my faults. I think about the lessons that I've learned and the wisdom that I have now so that I can pass it on to someone else. I have a huge heart and an amazing capacity to love all because of God's love for me. I take pride in the things that I have accomplished despite the harsh circumstances I have faced and then I remind myself that I am worth "it".
So, I’ve met this amazing man and it’s been a wonderful 7 months (give or take a few weeks lol) of getting to know him and building a great foundation of friendship. He’s an amazing person. He always keeps a smile on my face, makes me laugh, encourages me and pushes me to be great. Some days I don’t feel worthy of him and then there are times when I feel like I am the best thing in the world to ever happen to him. Truth be told, neither of us are worthy of each other…alone, but it is our personal relationships with God, His breath breathing on the inside of the both of us, our faith in Him and in each other and our willingness to put in the work that makes us worthy of one another not our education, career accomplishments or the fact that we can finance our own lives. So I take courage in knowing that God knows the way that we take and and I remain confident in the fact that I am worthy of all of the love that God sees fit to throw my way and more.
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